Wanted! Worthy Men.

Young Man,

With the melting of the ice blockade in the northern islands of Canada, Space Peter with the backing of Squire Smith and Brown, is organizing a party to establish a permanent post for aiding and supplying merchant ships seeking to transit the newly opened North West Passage.

Famed Indian fighter and negotiator Robert Campbell and his valiant negro will be accompanying the voyage to guarantee amicable relations with the native hunters.

Provisions and salaries are not lacking. All that is in want is good men with a heart for adventure, a mind for discipline, a respect for orders and a back for hard work.

No man will be discriminated against for his religion or country of origin. We will gladly accept for equal duties and rewards the Mohammedan, Jew and Irishman.

Present yourself, bold man, during the coming fortnight, at the offices of Squire Smith and Brown and there put down your name next to the noble Robert Campbell and Space Peter, to embark on the prospect of a lifetime.

Moral writings for benefits of reader's minds.

Say NO! to Piracy!

It’s everywhere, on DVDs, video games websites, posters, it’s the anti piracy campaign. Federal law here in Mexico carries stiff penalties for piracy, but there are many other practical, day to day reasons for avoiding piracy.

I now present to you my own personal

Reasons for not Engaging in Piracy

#1. Location

I live on the outskirts of Guadalajara, and the nearest ocean port is pretty far. We’re talking at least five hours over winding mountain highway. Now that doesn’t necessarily cancel the piracy option, but considering the fact that my only solid block of time each week to engage in high seas rapine is my free day which gives me (assuming I don’t sleep the night after my free day) a total of 36 hours to drive to the coast, assemble my crew, service the boat, put out to sea, hunt ships, come back to port, divide spoil, service and store boat, and get back home, well, even if this could all be accomplished very quickly I’d be left with an absolute maximum twenty hours of uninterrupted swashbuckling. I just don’t think that’s enough time to find suitable prey to finance my pirating endeavors much less profit from them.

That leaves us with lake Lake Chapala, which is only about a one hour drive from my home. The lake is huge, and has it’s share of fishing boats, tour boats and surrounding towns, but the lack of valuable cargo being transported on it along with the added risk of being more personally recognizable so close to home makes the risk of piracy on Lake Chapala simply not worth one’s while.

#2. Lack of a ship

Okay, let’s pretend I lived in a port city and had all the time in the world for robbing merchant ships sacking coastal towns and no fears for my reputation, let’s look at what I would need, just to get started.

Naturally the first and most important item for any pirating adventures (they don’t warn you about this at the beginning of movies) is a boat, and not just any little old boat. I’m thinking a top of the line high speed yacht with plenty of space for crew accommodations, weapons, stores, and of course, plundered treasure. A pirate ship needs to be fast and in good condition, life or death, success or failure, depend on your boat.

Good ships that meet these conditions are very costly, pricing into the millions, even tens of millions of dollars. Maybe I could get something old and fix it up for a few hundred thousand, still, that’s a lot more money than I have or could even get in a loan.

#3. Weaponry Issues

Aaaaargh!

The playing field in weaponry is not as even as it once was.

If a modern day pirate crew were to pull up alongside a passenger or cargo ship brandishing pikes, sabers and blunderbusses, they might induce the enemy to take pictures, but probably not to surrender. Any attempts to actually use these weapons could easily lead to your boat, crew and self being shredded by your intended prey’s onboard heavy machine gun or rocket launcher.

So, any would be pirate adventurers would be in need of modern weaponry, hard to obtain, very costly, and all around nasty stuff to deal with.

I have neither the heart nor financial means to deal with such things.

So, to all you anti piracy advocates in the movie, music and video game industry, while I appreciate your efforts to discourage me from a life of high seas crime, those efforts are needless. Even if I wanted to engage in piracy, there are just to many practical problems weighing against such a life for me to even seriously consider it.